There was mad beef in the football world today as Man United manager Ole Gunnar Semifinalist took a swipe at Liverpool head coach Jürgen ‘Winner’ Klopp, claiming that the German’s moaning about penalties back in January was influencing refereeing decisions in September.
Said Semifinalist: “I know we’ve just bought one of the most infamous divers in football, but how many times does Cristiano have to run into an opponent’s legs before we get a penalty? It’s seriously affecting Bruno Penandes’ scoring record and I’ve got him in my Fantasy Team, which is why I never sub him, even when he’s playing terribly. I’m missing out on serious points. And we’re losing all our midweek games too.”
Semifinalist’s criticism of Klopp and the standard of refereeing raised eyebrows, with many observers suggesting that the Norwegian PE teacher might want to focus on his team of overpaid prima donnas actually winning something instead of bottling it like Spurs in big games. Or in the first round of the Caffeine Cup against West Ham’s reserves.
“That’s another one,” continued Semifinalist as most sensible journalists trickled out of the news conference and went home for their fish and chips. “We see the old man [Mark] Noble give Jesse [Lingardinho] a tug – and it’s a clear tug. No penalty. I know they wanted Jesse down there, but they can’t just offer sexual favours. We needed the money to waste on a winger that we didn’t need, instead of a competent defensive central midfielder who can pass a ball 10 yards to his own teammates.”
The soccer authorities said sweet FA about the specific comments, but one ex-referee now stealing a living by always backing his ex-colleagues on the Sky Sports Amateur Gossip Channel, claimed: “Ole needs to remember that referees are only human. They’re definitely not going to be influenced by an intimidating man who has won both the Champions League and Premier League, who now looks especially dreamy without his glasses. Sigh.”
Following the rant, The Daily Wibble fully expects Man United to be awarded a dubious penalty in their match against Prince William’s XI tomorrow lunchtime. Watch this space. Or instead watch a proper football match between two genuine title challengers – Chelsea and Man City.